What "Laapataa Ladies" taught me about standing up for yourself
"Being happy on your own is the toughest thing...but, yes, once you master it, no one can bother you."
When I was pregnant I often thought of what kind of mother I would become, and I promised myself that I would be the type of mother who will not only unconditionally love her children, but also unconditionally love herself. Children learn from observing their parents, and I want my child to have a strong sense of self-empowerment, self-love, self-worth and self-care. Who else will he learn that from, if not me?
Little did I know, unconditional love is not just a promise you can just make. It takes work, determination and grit. Especially for a people pleaser like me, who is still learning about self-love, self-worth and self-care. I grew up in a world where women were told they were never enough, and then when they showed up “enough” they would be told “you’re too much.” Women could never win in my world, for what value could a woman offer if she was constantly criticized for everything she did.
So, when I became a new mom, I became really overwhelmed by societal norms of what a perfect mom looks like and acts like. I began to feel trapped and caged by the fear of being judged harshly for everything I did.
While I was still aching and recovering from my C-section surgery I would get calls from people I haven’t heard from in years telling me that they are coming over to see my newborn baby. These requests wouldn’t even be a question. It would be a statement. A demand. I remember lying in bed, in pain and exhausted, feeling upset at why it was a societal norm for a new mother to host guests, but not a societal norm for a new mother to cocoon with her new baby. I politely would decline by stating my boundaries, “We want immediate family to visit us at this time. Anyone who is not part of our immediate family will need to wait a few more weeks to visit.” When I would say this, it would turn into a dramatic ordeal that I would also have to deal with. I felt like I was constantly judged for being selfish. I was told that it was my “duty,” to allow others visit and to hold my newborn, to serve them tea, lunch or dinner.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want visitors. I love having visitors, but at this time, I needed visitors who came and helped. Not visitors who wanted to hold my baby while being hosted by me, during a time I didn’t have capacity to be a good host.
The response to me standing my ground was incredibly hurtful. The lack of empathy for my mental and physical postpartum healing made me feel invalidated, irrelevant, and invisible. When I was pregnant, I promised myself that I would be an empowered mom. Now I am a mom, I didn’t feel empowered. The guilt I felt for breaking my own promise on top of everything else broke me.
Lessons arrive to us in interesting ways. Laapataa Ladies taught me about how to become empowered, even when the odds are against you. One morning, as I was putting my son to sleep, I was scrolling through Netflix and it suggested I watch Laapataa Ladies (it means “Lost Ladies.”) From start to finish, every moment from the movie truly resonated with me and helped me find my inner-power again.
Watching it felt like a comforting warm hug, reminding me that every journey has a beginning where you go from knowing nothing, to having everything. I started my journey of being a mom not knowing much. But to stay true to my promise of being an empowered mom, I still have a lot to learn about speaking up and standing up for myself — and that’s okay!
What the movie is about (without the spoilers)
Set in 2001 in rural India, Laapataa Ladies follows the story of two young brides, Jaya and Phool, who get lost due to a series of mistaken identities. The movie feels like a warm call home, wholesomely telling the story of these new brides who must empower themselves to find their way back to their lives. This movie offers a funny yet clever commentary about the irrelevant demands of society and its stifling demands on women and relationships. It's a comedy of errors and a feminist coming-of-age tale.
What I Learned
When I watched this movie, I was reeling from the hurt of my postpartum experience of feeling guilty…feeling like I was selfish based on other people’s judgements. Watching Laapataa Ladies inspired me to prioritize my well-being, set boundaries, and speak up.
I no longer felt guilty for saying “no.” I asked for help when I needed it. I stopped filtering my words based on what I felt others wanted to hear. I spoke my truth, whether others appreciated it or not.
Jaya’s and Phool’s journey of self-discovery and resilience resonated deeply with me. They navigated societal norms and personal challenges, ultimately finding their own identities and voices. This reflection inspired me to realize that only I can be my biggest advocate, both for myself and for my son. We are worth standing up for.
If I don’t stand up for myself, who will? And if I can’t stand up for myself, how can I stand up for my son? I want my son to grow up seeing me as an empowered mother. I want him to learn from how I act in the world that women are powerful, valid and are to be heard.
You Are Relevant
"Being happy on your own is the toughest thing...but, yes, once you master it, no one can bother you."
This quote from the movie literally changed my brain chemistry immediately. It made be realize that no matter who you are, there will be people in your life who will try to push you out of the picture. People will judge you. People will try to make you feel guilty for doing the things you do. I realized that I am strong. I am determined. I am important. I am powerful. I am significant. Being happy is like yoga…
—it is a practice.
In yoga philosophy, this relates to “Santosha,” which means contentment. Santosha is one of the five Niyamas in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, which are the ethical guidelines or observances for personal discipline and spiritual development in yoga philosophy. Santosha involves finding contentment and happiness in the present moment, regardless of external circumstances.
Practicing Santosha has taught me that true happiness comes from within and is independent of external validation. By embracing this principle, I’ve learned to find peace and contentment in my own journey, focusing on my well-being and inner strength. Just like yoga, cultivating happiness requires consistent practice and mindfulness, but the rewards of inner peace and resilience make it all worthwhile.
And as a new mom, I shifted my mindset away from what I was doing wrong or how I felt judged by others and began to focus on how amazing motherhood is. I stopped feeling guilty and quickly felt grateful for every experience motherhood was teaching me.
Key Takeaways
Watching Laapataa Ladies reminded me that, despite the challenges and judgments we face, our strength and determination are unwavering. We are more resilient than we realize, and our happiness is something we must actively nurture and protect. Just like yoga, finding joy and self-worth is an ongoing practice, one that requires patience, self-love, and persistence. Embracing the principle of Santosha, which teaches us to find contentment within ourselves, has been a guiding light in this journey. This film empowered me to wholeheartedly dive into my journey with confidence, knowing that I am capable and deserving of happiness and fulfillment.
Journaling Questions (if you’re into this)
If you choose to watch the movie, you can explore the themes of the movie deeper through my journaling questions below.
How have societal expectations of motherhood influenced your own beliefs and behaviors?
Can you identify specific moments when you felt judged or pressured by societal norms? How did you handle those situations?
When was the last time you spoke up for yourself or set a boundary? How did it make you feel
What areas of your life do you feel most empowered in? Where do you feel you need to work on your empowerment?
What aspects of the protagonists' journey in Laapataa Ladies resonated most with you?
How can you apply the lessons of resilience and self-discovery from the movie to your own life?
What practices or activities help you nurture your happiness and sense of self-worth?
How can you incorporate these practices into your daily routine to ensure consistent self-care?
What are your goals for continuing to find and use your voice in the future?
How can you create a support system that encourages and respects your boundaries and decisions as a mother?
Can you recall a time when you demonstrated resilience in the face of adversity? What did you learn from that experience?
What strengths have you discovered about yourself through your journey of motherhood and self-advocacy?
What other films, books, or stories have inspired you in a similar way to Laapataa Ladies? Why?
How can you seek out and engage with media that supports and uplifts your personal growth and empowerment?
